Hmm...Been wondering much about the coming Christmas... Excited about it and also give a lots and lots of thought about how am i going to spend the time... with dear and him alone...
My frens have been gearing me up to spend this special season day since the past few months... Say like having to book a hotel room for just the two of us to spend the company of each other and also giving a present that is special to him...
Well... I made him a nice presents though... Something that i thought it would be special and also i guess... something that i have been excited to give him also... since it is an idea that i have to DIY it myself and it is something that i have not done before...
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Was talking to dear just now... Thinking of what he has in mind for this Christmas and if he can think of something nice then we could be there together and also allow me to once again enjoy Christmas like what i did have last year with him...
Well sadly... Guessed he would be in camp for this coming Christmas Eve and that he will be booking in this sunday... and only booking out of the camp on the Tuesday morning(Which is Christmas...)
Then again... he also won't be free then and will be busy running errands collecting items for his family BBQ...
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Haiz... :-( ... Maybe becos i have been thinking too much having to spend time with him on this Christmas... which he finds that it is unnecessary and that it is just a Christmas day from the many years... and that i guess it is too usual for him...
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The other few weeks... i did have mentioned maybe to the blog or maybe to friends that i have been worrying a lot on my relationship... that i feel Dear is starting to drift away from my heart and it is starting to lose touch with me... Well during then i have had my ways of meeting up with him an also making assure myself that he fire in my heart is still burning brightly... But i finds that i have been only being the active one ends and that thought things may seems to be working in my vivid images... those are just a mark up image in my imagination that works...
Spending the time in the toilet with a running water just now... It makes me reconsider the things that i have done the past few weeks... It is just seems that I have only make situation be better a lil... which i believe is not enough... and moreover... it is just feeling better on myside... as for him... i think he is just feeling the same way...
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I wonders....
If I will be away for long, How would you react? How would you think of me? and what would you do?
If Time were to end soon... will you be there to be with me?
Through the time of being together... what is your image of me?
How have you think that you have changed since you are by my side? Have i make even a little move in your heart? Or does that space that was placed for me... Still stay as how it is since the time we met until now?
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To Me...
If I am to be away for you for long... even it is just a week time... I would be worried of you, thinking of what you will be doing and how you are living off and how you feeling about... Even when times when you fetch me back home... i always worried about you on the road... having worried if you have arrived home... checked on MSN whether you are already online... or at least message you to see if you reply... And times when i dun see any response... i will get paranoid and will keep on telling myself that you will be alright and that you are already safe at home... before I goes to sleep... If not i wouldn't be able to sleep... Then I would think about it again in the morning...
If time were to end soon... I would just hope to spend the time together again... just like how we two have met each other and just like when the time we have walked down the path of love... Let me just have the kind of feeling before time takes away all of them from me and from you....
I believe... after being with you for 17 months... i guess i have learned a lot in relationship... even till now... i am still learning on how to make myself better in the times we had together... also... i have understand many things that normal couples will goes through and many things that other couples have yet to go through... probably they doesn't have that chance to go through it... You have taught me a lot of it... and i am grateful, thankful and respected all of the things that you gave to me... emotionally, physically and mentally... I will always treasure them...
To me... you have really moved my heart a lot and spaces are growing even more and more... filled much by you... and no one else... but at times... parts of it would be injured... and you will be there to heal it and also recovers them... Yet... there are still some small gap that aren't fully recovered... I hope you could just be there to mend it once more... allowing me to be who i have meant to be... and that i could be healthy in this relationship again...
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I wish... I just wish.... Wishing... that i can be feeling of you again... and that... I just wished.. that before i fly off to China... If it ever is possible.. you are there by my side... and teling me that it is alright... that you will be waiting for me... and that you could encourage me to be strong once more... to be the cheerful healthy me once more...
All this time... i just feel that i have been putting up a cheerful face... that inside of me still hurts... that inside of me sometimes feels empty...
I really just wished that you could once again fills that spot for me... just wish it will come true...
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