Haiz... i realli dunnoe what is really wrong with me... for the first time after so long... am feeling so dreadful... stress or wat... haiz... been quite sad today...
1stly, dear didn't expect to go out with me de... kinda sad liao... then after that eventually he also come... cos is he qiao going to meet fren for the IT Show briefing... tat is kinda ok liao...
2ndly, fren called, suppose to go back to secondary sch, but then have to settle grams passport... so again... i heard smth like Ci bai... i was like kinda taken aback... but still keep quiet... well at least that was kinda the stress turning point... cos there after i am quite moody...
haiz... then after tat settled... time to meet dear... he took 1hrs ++ to come... i am kinda ok with it... oh well... and then i was hungry... then so i msg him ask him whether he ate liao mah... then he say eat liao... then later dinner also with frenz... orh... so i go eat delifrance alone... had a delipotato... but still it feels suddenly so different... so empty... and so alone... :( ... haiz... tat realli i was like thinking to myself... well cannot blame any1 that u have not eaten... u can't possibly have dear all along with u wherever u go mah... haha... tat went thru fast though...
so i went to Sim Lim Sq to window shopping... was planning to meet dear there... and also get to check out hse phones... for my MIO plan... anyway will elaborate with the MIO later... ok.. cont' ... then later dear came... met him at where we 1st time actually meet... then walk arnd with him lor... for a while... didn't get the hse phone, cos i cannot find the model i want... and also dear need to go off... cos he needs to meet his frens at Bugis to go to Tekka Mall... for the briefing... oh well... so we went off lor... heading to bugis... just then yongsen called in to dear... then like orh... he was coming to bugis... needed to collect his specs... then dear said that...well u go out with yongsen lor... i was like... aiyer... jokingly... was not meant to be serious bout it... then was like... he said...well he is realli a nice guy... and that i am also one... but just that i dunnoe wat to say , and what not to say at the different time... oh well... i guess... i am bad at tat...then suddenly talk bout the brazilian waxing thread in trevvy... cos i posted smth... and eversince then... no one posted... so sad wor... tat realli make me feel more down... but i when dear ask why i so sad at bugis... i just said... well i guess i am having stress from sch work... then he was like... orh... expected answer i guess...
then he later went off to meet his fren and then i was with yongsen and all...
OK.... the thing is... i do love dear for being truthful to me... but just that... i find... it is not dear that is not caring abt me... i guess i am the one not showing much love to him... and i realli felt really sad today... cos my results... then stress from organising camp, stress from frens... and most of all when i needed dear... he kinda said such thing today... which realli makes me more moody...
I dunnoe whether becos tis is a cancerian traits or wat... i mean dear dun realli believe in such thing... but i do... and also... haiz... everytime... i realli just long for dear to go out with me more often...
I know that he lives very far and also when i go out with him i will waste money... which he will not like and also i feel that he thinks i go out with him cos he got car only... or becos, i will be late... which he hate... or like wat he said to me... cos it is a logistical hassle... i am a busy person... and meeting me is like have to do appointment, waste money, and time and energy...
But i realli find that i have missed out many times of loving him... seems like he dun want sex... ok... smth that he realli dun like me to bring up on... and so most of the times... when he dun want... i will be ok... nevermind... just be at home and masturbate... or wat... then again... tat realli i dun mind... but at least... i want to be able to hug him real lots... cos tat is when i feel his love for me... and i realli realli realli love hugging him... which that is the least i asked for... and sometimes smth that can really cheer me up when i am down... at least like giving me a call asking whether i am ok or not... if not at least help me to think out a solution... or i dunnoe... he is the only one that i think much effective to console me........ but his answer as always will just be 'orh'... and blank....
I realli dunnoe what has happenned to me today... to write such a post... but realli ... i hope and long for the day that my dear will really understand me... and could realli cheer me up... at least a bit... and i will be happi...
hope that tis love will last and improve more... I will still love you... dear daniel... *Kiss N Hugs*
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