The Song was playing
Tank- 非你莫属，
Andy Lau's - 我想我不够爱你 and
I wanna go to a place by Rie Fu....
I woke up this early... with a heartache, A feeling of very very heavy burden and started crying once again...
The dreamworld have once again brought me another memorable dreams that have made me feel the feeling of losing someone close to me...
My sudden woke up... thinking of the people that have been close to me since young (My mum, My aunt and My grams) and now Daniel, who comes along to hold my hands to go throughout our 1 Year and 2 Months of relationship...
I just doesn't know how will be able to cope with the feeling if i have either one of them missing in my life...
*cries*
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The Dream...
It was actually cause i have lost my mum then... living with my aunt and my grams... and a brother...
We live in an average living condition... with my aunt taking care of us all...
to cut things short-- It was something that i was unhappy about my brother then there was a big hoo haa... and then i actually quarreled with my grams(i guess)...
What actually i was brought to the state of crying was when I actually shouted at my aunt something (I dun realli have nuts idea on what i shout)... thereafter, she was stunned and just dropped to the ground...
Since then, she have no watever sort of feeling towards what i say... her face was pale white and she cried... tears flowing down her cheeks with her unchanged facial expression... and she fell towards the ground as these happens....
When i saw her reactions, I tried to reach out to her to help her stand again... she was just heavy and then her body was cold... with the feeling of such afraid reaction...
By now.... whatever i talked to her... seems like it does not goes to her mind... as though she is already in her own world and not realising that i was beside her even...
And when she caught the strength to stand up... she started aimlessly around... I just have to follow her...
It was as though i was looking at my Aunt being crazy after everything have happened...
Well she just walk aimlessly... and when i followed her... she actually went back home on foot... just to hug my grandma, without a single word coming out of her... and then hug my another brother silently...
The next thing i knew... she did not do it to me... but she was just about to leave the house.... We were asking her what have happened... but nothing seems to go through her...
I was so afraid... then this time round i tried to hold her and not letting her go... but this time she was afraid of me...
Only then i knew smth bad have happened... so i asked the brother to hold her for me... and then the next thing i knew.... I have left the house...
The Dream then brought me to the time to come... i was wondering that there is one guy who keeps following me around... by this time i was living alone... working my own self up the society... living in a decent lifestyle...
The guy who was stalking me... was like followed me to many places... then after a while... i approached him...
To my shock... he was actually my aunt's husband... after so long that i left them... she have then married... I was then asked by my this uncle... that i have to go back home... as my aunt and grandmother... was looking for me... it was then that i suddenly realised how heartache i was feeling to lose my family members....
And suddenly then... i just woke up... in then middle of the night.... @ about 4:2o AM....
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I didn't know how the dream actually came to me...
But the moment i held up my necklace that i made for Daniel and me...
I just feel the same heavy burden that my heart was having... as though the dream have become a reality...
Tears just started to pour down my cheeks as the songs played and the lyrics of the song was follow with my sadness...
For once after so long... i cried for my dear yet again... also with the feeling of losing the closed one...
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Since the past few weeks... i have been telling myself that i should not cry... and that i should be strong towards the challenge i am facing that Daniel is in army...
But these days... whenever he was inside the camp... either i am not able to hear his voice and sometimes... i don't get his message at all...
In one of my previous post... i did mention about my sudden sense of insecurity that just suddenly came up... and it just grew little and little day by day...
I was having dinner with Alvin last night... and i realli did envy him as his dear calls him everynight and talks to him... to his dear (Andrew), Alvin's voice is more important than his lights out and also his tiredness from camp and many more...
I realli did wish that Daniel could realli called me too... I did message Daniel while Alvin was talkin to Andrew... so that i don't realli felt lonely...
Throughout the dinner... my phone was beside me(well not actually then only, there were other times that my phone was beside me aimlessly... and then i would just press my unlock button to see if there is an incoming message... and truly truly hope that it was from him...
But i waited in vain the whole time... just keep waiting and waiting...
As i guessed he have not message me then...
Then when i was on the way home... I just keep feeling sad deep inside me... but on the outside... i just look calm... Alvin saw through that... and i was just keep telling myself that everything is all right and he is just tired and he is studying... so i should not try to disturb him...
But the more i feel that way... the more heavy my heart feels...
Till now... i am just thinking... whether putting a "If cannot call me or message me... then its ok wor" really takes effect and he follows it too...
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Haiz... guess i would still have to bear through all these challenges for quite a while...
*Cries*
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