Hmm... 2 nights ago... I had yet another trouble sleeping... =x
Flashback about the one I crushed the drinking glass in my hands... and that whole story keep on repeating in my mind...
Another feeling was... that I am so obsessed to him that I couldn't let him go... even if he already become cold towards me... I am still clinging on to him...
To add on to this... I actually saw myself cutting my wrist... to feel pain... to numb those cold-hearted feelings in me... Its like as though ripping out my feeling from my body... so that I don't have to know how to feel anymore since he hurt my feelings...
Watever that he will hurt in me... I slowly ripping off from my body... That's really scary to think about... and I dunnoe if things realli going into that directions...
I also felt that... everytime I went out with people... I show the happy side of my life... YET whenever at home I gets too emotional that I don't even look like the normal... It makes me feel as thought that I am starting to have a dual personality... one that hides my true self from the rest and the other one that makes me so emotional and gives me nightmares that I can't control...
I have been thinking... If things are going to get worse... I guess I may have to turn to counselling =(
I realli dun want to end up being so torn up that I ended up in such a depression state beyond cure... and with medicine that have depression side effects... I am seriously thinking that things wun recover so easily...
Haix... I really wonders... All these while... why he doesn't get the hints that I needed him so much in my life... and Why all this while... I realize that all the negative thoughts about him... Is due to we not talking and he not concerned about me... so thus my mind have been going on its own will to think all the such things that could happens.. It really scars me badly... =(
Haix... and i really scared that this would adds a lot of stress to him... but... how come he still not here for me?
Is it this true that he actually prefers to be with his friends over there than for me... =( ... It realli upsets me that things are not as I expected... ='(
Guess if things goes this way... I am going to feel numb and feeling less for long...
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